They said, you just can’t follow PLAN A until you have a PLAN B. I had not thought of a plan B, the fear of failing in plan A took over and thus I postponed my decision.
A few months later, once again the urge to resign from my job occurred, I once again mustered the courage to go ahead with it without finding a new job because I wanted to see the world, read books, meet my folks and write stories. Oh yes! none of it paid and thus the voices returned, ‘You just can’t leave a well paying job, think of the consequences, it becomes very difficult without money. What you plan to do, people do it all when they retire and not at the age of 29.
I wondered how long I had to compromise with my feelings for money… The truth is fear was lurking in my mind too and thus I went with others overlooking my own desires. I was not sure what would I tell people what I did for my living. The term freelancer made me feel jittery. I didn’t know how would I explain people how much I earned.
I continued with my job which I wasn’t enjoying at all but at the same time I continued reading books, writing stories, traveling at the expense of my unpaid leaves and I blogged extensively. I enjoyed writing my blogs, I loved attending blogger meets, I went on with my love for writing my views, my opinions, I enjoyed reading books and writing down book reviews. All this made me happy and I would often dream of a job that could challenge me to get creative everyday. On the contrary what I was doing was monotonous technical work. Thus I wanted to leave my engineering job and plunge into the world of writing where people always cribbed of being meagerly paid. But for me it was never about the money, I only had one thought I wanted to read, write and travel peacefully.
A year passed by and my inner frustration grew… I jotted down all my fears and realized they weren’t as scary as they virtually appeared. I just had to learn to make some changes in my lifestyle and I could win over. Risk had to be taken.
Thus a few months back, I did overcome my fear and took the risk. One day, I simply walked in my office and I wrote down my resignation mail. It was needed. It felt very satisfying. Since then I have felt so free and happy.
Background to this decision…
My story starts around the time when I was a six year old kid. My Dad gifted me a beautiful diary on my birthday. By this time I had already learnt to write full fledged sentences and paragraphs. When he handed over the spiral bound notebook to me, he had placed only one condition that I must write in it everyday. Since I dint know what to write, he suggested I must read a small section of the newspaper or a few pages from my story books (not text books) everyday and just scribble what I liked best about it. I almost fell for the idea. Everyday I would find a beautiful piece to pen down even though I did not understand much out of it. In the evening, my father would explain me its meaning word to word. With the whole exercise, the best thing that happened was that my Dad made me fall in love with the world of words, books, story making, reading, writing etc.
I grew up, moved on tackling senior secondary to higher secondary examinations. In all this while in school, I ensured I was actively involved in the making of my school magazines, I participated in the writing contests, I was a member of the reading club, I represented my school in debates, elocution, slogan writing competitions. The love for writing exponentially multiplied.
English was my favorite subject though I studied from science stream but I wasn’t allowed to take up English Honors or Media studies in college rather everyone suggested a conventional engineering degree would be promising. I went along with it because it made my parents happy. I did it all for them. No doubt I bagged a seat in a prestigious govt college and it gave me great job too but in the very first year of my life, I realized I wasn’t fit for this field and I had ended up at the wrong place.
The growing unhappiness took a vent out through my writing and Pendown- my blog was born. It is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me ever. There were so many when I desired to leave my job and take up writing seriously. I wanted to study in this field but the fear of starting again from scratch made me put it off. But now I have taken the plunge and I feel so satisfied. Some times one has to risk it. I have started getting freelancing work, I blog as per my wish, sometimes I get paid too and I am very happy about it.
At one point of time in life, one has to rise above fear!!!I did it, you can do too.
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